Though I shall not disclose this particular information to the person it would be most suitably directed to, upon the excuse 'He wouldn't believe me anyway', I cannot help but feel I need to heave it off my chest.
As you might not know, my life of the past year has been filled with gaps and blank puzzle pieces. Missing quite a number renders the picture unfanthomable. The answer never seems to come to pass. The long periods of waiting for something to come around the bend seems to never come to pass.
Yes he has made a great deal of commotion and drama in my life and I cherished the good times but I am glad I am over the bad times. More often than not, the bad things always tend to stick to the particles of your memories.
One of his suspicions was that his ex, Joyce, is an Auntie. I have not believed him a single bit. Because the idea was just too outrageous. Imagine being with someone who turns out to be a sham. Suddenly you didn't know what to believe anymore. I know he tells me this yet he hopes for something inside of him. 'That it is not true'.
And well, who am I to pop his bubble.
So yes I have not believed him a single bit. Until...
Seven days ago, on the 12th of January, someone called me on the phone. It was Joyce. With her nickname. Spe(xxx). XXX means it has been crossed out. As you can see, I have not gotten over the paranoia that someone will discover me in writing. Someone as aforementioned. The lady who is in every way vibrant in virtue.
I was astonished. I walked to the kitchen to get away from the commotion (a party). Not daring to breathe, I listened. I heard voices in the background. A woman talking to a man though unclear. This continued for 1 min and 44 seconds. I said hello. No answer. I ended the call. I called back. Nobody picked up.
Minutes later, she called back.
We talked.
Her: Who is this? You called me just now.
Me: Oh no you called me first. Was there something that you want?
Her: No, I didn't call you. (Though she obviously did).
Me: Perhaps it was a wrong number.
Her: Oh, okay then.
Me: Goodbye.
Her: Bye.
I hung up and was lost in my thoughts for a bit. I thought, 'Her voice sounded awfully familiar'.
It sounded like the recording of Joyce's voice. Only, less... refined. Less careful. More aunt-ish manner of speaking. In the recording she chose her words with great care. In the call she carelessly threw it around in an Ah Liang manner. In fact she sounded a bit annoyed. But in the recording it was loving. If only I could get her to speak to me lovingly... XD
I called her back the second time, under the pretense of double checking.
Me: Hello, maybe you called to look for my mother?
Her: (I couldn't really hear what she said, sometimes she talked in Chinese, sometimes English; since the recording was in English I tried to get her talking in English as much as possible) No, no I didn't.
Me: Are you sure? Because my mother's name is (censored for privacy). Are you sure you aren't looking for her?
Her: Yes, I didn't call this number.
Me: Oh, very well then, goodbye.
When I hung up, I was disturbedly positive, that the lady I just spoke to was Joyce. Else I fervently pray that perhaps both Joyce and Auntie sound the same.
She texted me after that.
'I am Mrs Lim from Kelantan. What is your mother's name? Your number was unnamed in my directory so I thought there must be a reason why it's there, so I thought I knew you. Maybe I know your mother.'
I remember very well why my number was in her directory. Because I sent a wrong msg to her particular number. And what sort of weird people have the uncanny knack of saving numbers of wrong msgs in their phone? I do not for one.
Me: 'Her name is Florence Lai*. My name is Samantha Lai* (Changed to protect my own privacy XD and to avoid detection. I do not know why she is calling me but I do not like it one bit. It makes me uneasy.) If you do not know her then it must be a wrong number.
Her reply: I know something-Lai, something-Lai, something-Lai but I do not know who Florence Lai is. Nevertheless, I will keep this number just in case it is someone I know. Nice to meet you. Goodnight.
Me: Like I said it is most probably a wrong number. Bye.
------
So yes, after that day I have been waiting for him to come online so that I can unblock him to tell him this uncanny news. But after a week and some reflection upon the subject, I come to the conclusion it is best to keep unhappy things to oneself. Particularly when I have nothing to prove and I wish not to come into argument just because of my opinions. It is one thing to have an opinion, and quite another to force it on someone who is least wanting to hear of it. Particularly when it brings that person no good. I am afraid it might burst his bubble and he shall be of want. Of her sturdy, motherly fountain.
So in short, he wouldn't believe me anyway. Why should I tell him? It is for me to know.
But yes, I am, undeniably, inclined to believe that Mrs. Lim is Joyce.
The End.
-------
Well, okay not quite the end. A few days ago, I called a childhood friend of mine. Kate.
I found out M cheated on me with her last year. It was hard to deal with when I had tried to keep the friendship between Kate and I going. The reason why I remembered was probably because it was my birthday. And also his birthday. The irony.
Without having to speak, you should know that I was dreadfully hurt, and upset, and angry. Very angry. I was fuming mad. Until she changed her number and continued her rendezvous with him, saying how lucky it is that she has evaded me and so to speak, 'Thank God she doesn't know. I was so scared when she found out.'
Well, I have only one wish that time. That is he does not hide it from me and break it off with me first. Reading that I felt like the third party being in a place where she doesn't belong.
So back to the point. I called her and sorted things out with her. Told her it was okay to continue doing whatever she wanted with M because I got over him. She breezily told me that there's nothing between them both and says she's got no feelings for him and he doesn't have feelings for her. Well, she too, had breezily told me this back then. *shrug* It is none of my concern anymore I suppose. I am just glad that I have ended the feeling of dislike and again return to my old self. Life is great without someone that brings you down because of dislike. She told me she was glad and that was sorry for the things she had done. This was of course, after my own apology of saying harsh words to her.
I admit. I called her a bitch. She was being bitchy after all. ^^;
Well, she was a friend who gave me those beautiful lily bulbs when I was young after all. Flowers that I truly cherished and looked after, which gave me many full blooms. So then, she shall remain an acquaintance.
It is better to have distance when you've tasted the sharp end of a person's dark persona.
