Bee and Hermit.

Today I went out. To Sungai Wang. I now have to keep reminding myself that I shall not to go out again.

It took me 2 hours to get there. 2 hours to get back. Going isn't so bad. I could sit. But coming back? Wow.
My feet are achingly exhausted. My nerves in my feet are jumping and threathening to twist themselves any minute now.

Met a friend's brother. He is 10 years old, and he is such a cute little boy. Erm. Nothing much about my friend. He's 16 and it was okay. We didn't talk much. Was kinda weird. We mapled at the cybercafe. And, that's about it.

Rushed to my bath straight out and now I'm here. Clean and cosy like a cat.

There was so much travelling. o.o
First there was the bus, then there was the train, then there was the monorail. Then the same thing all over again.

One thing I learnt about today was that, erm. Normally when you see those 'pilak' people, you'd feel like you'd wanna move to one side? To avoid body contact. Shunt. Shunt. *shudder*

But today I saw one got up from his seat and gave his seat to the lady in the bus. He didn't look very educated but there was a pang inside. I didn't look at him the way I look at others anymore. The 'eyeing' look. I always eye suspicious people. It's to say, 'Hey you, I'm watchful about you. Don't you dare do anything hanky panky.'

Well. That's about it today.
And my legs feel so smooth. I used this Hair Removal Mousse by Veet. Hmm, very nice. Feels like silk. And I'm so thirsty today. I don't know why.

Things that have been bothering me.

I read something the other day. And it brought me down for a bit tho knowing that words on it were untrue. I feel a bit sad inside for she does not know what I truly feel, what I truly am. Words I couldn't say to defend myself. What is the point really.

Pride and Prejudice. If only I had more of this things would be easier for me. It would be so easy to see others in a lowly manner and just get along with life in your happy little way. Jealousy. Have I been jealous this time around? I don't think so. Maybe hurt yes. But not jealous. Sometimes you just don't have the capacity to be jealous anymore. When you learn to give up.


My last post was a last message. If one were to read properly, it's the words of a girl who says, 'You win.'
I don't understand why she has to bloody gloat. One wouldn't have to be suspicious if not given a reason to.

The one thing that really irks me for how untrue it is, is 'no confidence, no trust, no faith in herself.'
God.

This is one thing out of all the things that I have to stand up for. I have my confidence thank you very much. I trust myself too thank you very much. Faith. Hmm, faith that I could make it work were I with another. Yesh. That too. All of that I do have in myself. What I don't have is the confidence that things will work out. Will you if one that you've been with for so long loves his ex more than you? You wouldn't be so high and mighty as to say such things like that.

I am not here to dispute any longer. Tempting tho. To post this in my old public blog. But no. Memories of disputes are left to be gone. I like this blog. It's like a new beginning. Alas, little does she know I didn't take it into my own conclusion and make a fuss. One thing I can never stand to be is a conveyer belt girlfriend.

I'm so sorry but I cannot replace someone else.


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Speaking of something else. I have been mapling a lot. And I had this maple bf. For like 2 weeks. It was bad. He wanted it to be real life too. I couldn't. He's a nice guy. Really nice. But he has low self esteem. He doesn't understand that I can't because it's me, not him. He's not exactly that young, and so he thinks that's the factor and yadda yadda.

But yesterday I made it a point to him. That it's only in maple. He couldn't take it. I regret somewhat for not staying as friends because he's a really nice friend.


'i so want to hurt you badly.. but i also want you badly too.. goddamn you.'


This is real bad. I mean. Sudahlah I have enough crap going on, I suddenly have someone hating me. He kept saying why I wouldn't give him a chance or what. But that's not the point. I mean the point is, is that I just don't have the capacity to anymore. I mean not anymore. But just not now. And certainly not internet ones. I mean there is nothing oh so great about me. I'm just an average girl. I'm really sorry really.


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Everytime I look at my ex's picture, I'm always reminded by the fact. The sentence that kept repeating in my head. 'I really love you Joyce. I like my ex, but I love you.' That's the killer. Everytime I look at it, I'm reminded by this fact.

But apart from all that, I know that deep down inside God has prepared someone just for me.