Penang Trip

Well well, suffice to say it has been a great week!

On a side note. Things that I didn't post the last post.

I am not Cheap!
Just because I held hands with a guy that I know very well, at least he's more real to me than you are so don't you dare judge me!
Just because something you say would rub off your ego, you don't always have to say it. *scoff*
I have always wondered whether you were always this immature. I thought that perhaps we could continue just as friends, but Nooo something in you just have to spoil it. Grow up please.

-----



I have refrained from posting anything about him because he told me not to. Which was strange for me. Because not that I thought my words would have any impact on anyone. So someone already knew the game on Christmas. Just because of a small little gesture. So since the cat is out of the bag, there isn't much of fun poking and teasing anymore. ._.

But life is short and ever changing, we might not be able to celebrate next Christmas together, you'll never know. But then again, you'll never know if one is destined to be with you. After the movie Amelie, that I watched, it's so different. Magical in a sense. Like relationships are dropped from the vast skies in shapes of crystalline stars. One each for every outstretched hand, waiting for Destiny to drop a crystal into it.

So before I forget, I had better write about my trip to Penang.

28th December
Early morning, I didn't sleep for fear I wouldn't wake up. Actually I didn't sleep because I was playing games. So yes I packed and waited for YT. Felt fresh for some reason. Went out to the tree in front of the house to sit, something I've not done before. Especially in the mornings. Saw a man doing his daily excercise. Saw him do taichi and funny movements. Felt amused. Steph came by and sat next to me and told me about Mr.30plus-but-doing-taichi-exercises.
Waited an hour, was on the verge of being toppled over by Pique when Sam, Hannah's guy arrived. It is the first time I am meeting him.

A whiff of donuts greeted me and their cheery voices of course. First time observing Hannah and Sam. Felt awkward at first. The trip up was long. But not too long. Steph said I snored. ._. I KNEW I DID. aaaah. Yes, I have 3 kinds of snores ladies and gentlemen.

When we reached we were mighty hungry and we went and had Penang Fried Kuey Tiao but with Duck Eggs. Alas, I tasted nothing special about it. YT said it wasn't that nice either. ._. Then we went and walked around in search of something nice to eat, and we ended up at this restaurant that well, isn't *that* nice either, but I liked the dumplings there. Yummy.

Then the next morning, we had breakfast at the hotel. The miso soup was sour ._. But I drank it all the same. I could say the nicest thing there that morning was the cereal and the chicken sausages.

After that I was stuffed. And we waited for Joanne, YT's friend to come and bring us around. Joanne has shoulder length straight hair and I took a liking to her immediately after I got in the car. We went for the famous curry mee. Mind you, I had a shock when I discovered that they put blood into soup. To thicken it. Or something. Pig's blood, or chicken I'm not sure. But @@ Ugh!!

So I stressed no blood.

No. Blood.

It tasted slightly different. But I liked it. YUM!
After that was cendol.

AND OH! The first thing you wonder about Penang is;

Why are all the streeets One Way?

The answer came when I tried crossing the road.
Answer: If it were 2 ways, I'd probably die.

The roads are crazy! Cars just squeeze in any space they could find. And I had to hold Steph's hand each time I cross the road. *shudder* And the sun... oh the oh-so-very-hot-sun...

Actually the sun is hot everywhere, just that we don't have to walk that much when in our own residency. So yea. I had my umbrella. Blue with winnie the pooh patterns. And it broke. And I still had to use it even though it was broken. Quite embarrassing but hey I'd rather be embarrassed than grilled. =D

So back to the Cendol. There are lots and lots of people at the cendol shop. Like really, there's a crowd even standing outside the shop scooping their cendols into their mouths. I am personally not a fan of cendol but I like that cendol! @@ It was milky and yummy. And the ice melts down into your throat. Trickle. Aaaaah I'm like a satisfied kitty.

Ah and I think I have a new favourite drink. Barley sengkam ice. Barley with a tangy taste. Ooh!

Then we went to Queensbay Mall and the sun was hot. The palm tree wasn't covering us sufficiently so I had to run to a nearby shade which was a bus. High school students were getting off the bus and they gave me looks and I gave them looks.

In the end I couldn't take their looks, (many against one you know) and I trudged back to YT and Steph. Palm tree. I loitered around for an hour or so while they had their Thai massage. I don't think I'd fancy a massage. *gulp*

By the time Joanne came to pick us up, I was so drop dead tired. My backbone was aching. I slept in the car. I was exhausted. We were at Tambun when I woke up. And we had such a nice nice nice nice nice dinner. It was so fulfilling and oh I loved the fish! It was tangy too.

I think I certainly shocked Sam who didn't know about my eating capabilities. =D
The vegetable was so spicy I couldn't finish the bit I took. *cough* shove it unto *cough* the plate *cough cough* nobody saw it XD

Sam burped a lot.

A Lot.

So yea, the next day was church and I felt a bit sleepy in church. I always do. But at least I was conscious enough to hear him talking about termites. The worker termites actually die because when the queen died, they didn't have a purpose to live. They lived for their queen. How noble.

Then Sam was doing a fishing action, and I couldn't stand him being peevish. I mean he was cheeky but I always gave him that F3 look and just ignored him, but I smacked him on the shoulder when he did that. =__=

Cheeky.
Fella.

Then we met Joanne's church members, and Oh dear... I forgot her name, but she reminded me of Charmaine. I had a nice time talking to her. Then, we went back home. And that's about it.

Well, I was at YT's friend's house. Kazzy. I like Kazzy too. And her kitties. I like Invader. He's a Casanova Cat. Miao~

Well Happy New Year folks!

CG.

I've always wanted to write but I just didn't get around to it.

Firstly, I had a really really nice girl talk with Steph, YT and Hannah, at a Jap Restaurant. It wasn't a planned thing. More like an impromptu talk. So yea, I was stressed with exams back then, so it was really quite relieving to just gather and lament about things that are causing stress.

And we had our good laughs and everything just seemed much better. Of course their situations are worse than mine then. They were just over their limits. I'm glad we managed to let a bit of our stress out that day. It's really been so long since I had loads of fun having girl talk.

Recently I've been helping out Steph with her Fishbone program at her tuition centre. And I think I've just about found my new path of interest? Teaching. I've always put it away from my mind because I just shut out the idea. Because mom was a teacher. So if Accounts does not work out for me, I'd be taking up an English diploma. To teach foreign students or something.

The kids at the centre were fun. They were shy at first, but after that they gradually opened up and even laughed. Whether with or at me, I'm really not quite sure. It was a shy smile at first, but oh ho. I couldn't squeeze much talk out of the shy ones but I kept prodding. I think I like Mian Ying. She's sweet in her own way. Well, alright =/ She looks sweet. And her writing is the best out of the rest so far. But Suet gives me funny quirky ideas too.

As for marking their passages, I'm not sure how to mark... And I'm not even sure if my grammar is right. =/
But I tried my best and I had my fun. =)


But firstly, I just *have* to say... EXAMS ARE OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =D

Yt told us that she got a job as a travelling writer. I am glad for her but I am also sad because she's leaving us, or at least won't be with us for quite as much anymore. I look to her as a peer and I've never thought of her as being in the other generation. We just remarked about how odd it is. And a friend of mine also told me today that she has a BF (Best Friend) that isn't very trustworthy at all. I shudder to think that I would have a best friend like that. A friend I can't trust with my BoyF because she'll be jealous and basically wanting him for herself? That's scary. =(

And I've also found out about a friend. Sadly, that friend isn't being very truthful. It pains me because the actions of this friend is causing another friend of mine pain. Actually, would cause pain if that friend found out that is. But I cannot help but feel angry and sad for that particular friend of mine. Why don't people be true to themselves and do the things that show them true but instead well... not? I just simply cannot imagine how one keeps things from another even when they've associated with each other for a long time.

._.

Well that's it for today.

It was nearly two months since I posted something. Shall I tell you about what happened to me for these 2 months or rather my feelings now?

I think, now.

I found out exam was next week. Bit of a shock for me because I thought I'd have more time to study. So here I am trying to calm myself through writing. I've refrained from writing for so long because there's just something vulnerable about writing how you felt. And I'd like to keep to myself for a bit.

But really, I was shocked I could numbly look at my books and papers in class. Class starts at 10 but I'm here early. Actually class starts at 10 but I thought it was 9.

So... calm my nerves...

Okay. That's it. No more games for me, all there is now for me and next week is benkyo benkyo benkyo.

Then I have to print some, attendance docket. Not entirely sure what was that.
Then my schedule was actually in the magazine which isn't delivered to me but to my brother instead. So, really, I'm clueless about what I'm supposed to do. What I'm supposed to have.

Relax. Don't panic.

No more games. I am constantly reminded by what he said (teacher). He said cannot last minute cram such things. I cannot help feeling ... I cannot help not having a deep interest... it was partially because really I'm clueless about whatever it is they teach. They teach well, it's just my fault. I feel @@ and huh..???

I was feeling really down becauuse of an email from an acquaintance. He is gay. I told him what I thought according to my beliefs, that it was wrong but yet to me he would still be my friend. I think he wanted me to say he was right. But I'm sorry. He said unkind things and truly I felt hurt because I really did want to help him. I wasn't judging him. I was just being honest. I am sorry that we could not be friends and that our diversity has created a rift between us.

About my past one, I think I've learnt to let go. I cried the other day after such a long time. And the thing is it came just suddenly. Like a wave hitting the beach without a sound. I think it means that my wall of numbness has gone away. I mean I was laughing and such before that. But now perhaps I am strong enough to face my own conflicts.

I think it is time to control and manage my time. Time management. I ran away from reality for quite some time now. Seeking comforts at the wrong place. I mean it's not wrong. I do feel conforted but I know that I cannot hide any longer. My reprieve is over. Time to get my life back on track.

I think I'll be working with Steph soon. Might be teaching primary school students with creative writing. Not quite sure if I could do it, but I'll try =)

Okay. Toodles. Time for class.

I'm still quite shaken by the fact that exam is so near and I'm such a screw up and failure for not even preparing for it. I knew it. I seen it coming. I am quite contradictory.

Though I beat myself up inside constantly bout not studying and stuff, yet... I do nothing about it. It is something that I have brought upon myself and I shall not lament upon it. All that is left to do is to be quiet and dilligently toil myself through studies 24/7. Well alright, 18/7.

Goodbye blog. Intensive studies starts from today.

Message about Abortion.

Month 1
Mommy, I am only 8 inches long, but I have all my organs. I love the sound of your voice. Every time I hear it, I wave my arms and legs. The sound ofyour heart beat is my favorite lullaby.

Month 2
Mommy, today I learned how to suck my thumb. If you could see me, you could definitely tell that I am a baby. I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though. It is so nice and warm in here.

Month 3
You know what Mommy, I'm a girl!! I hope that makes you happy. I always want you to be happy. I don't like it when you cry. You sound so sad. It makes me sad too, and I cry with you even though you can't hear me.

Month 4
Mommy, my hair is starting to grow. It is very short and fine, but I will have a lot of it. I spend a lot of mytime exercising. I can turn my headand curl my fingers and toes, and stretch my arms and legs. I am becoming quite good at it too.

Month 5
You went to the doctor today. Mommy, he lied to you. He said that I'm not ababy. I am a baby Mommy, your baby. I think and feel. Mommy, what's abortion?

Month 6
I can hear that doctor again. I don't like him. He seems cold and heartless.Something is intruding my home. The doctor called it a needle. Mommy what is it? It burns! Please make him stop! I can't get away from it! Mommy!! HELP me!!

Month 7
Mommy, I am okay. I am in Jesus's arms. he is holding me. He told me about abortion. Why didn't you want me, Mommy?

Every Abortion Is Just . . .
One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.

I think this is quite touching. It was forwarded in friendster and all but I didn't like to post anything there.

The Closed Chapter.

Today is the 28th.

I stopped contacting Mark on the 20th.
He said he didn't contact joyce at all but he did.
He emailed her and bla bla bla...

Lies. And then he told me he didn't.

I called him just now to confront him and it was true. He admitted that he just sent a message to congratulate her.
Hello? It's still contacting. Lies. Lies. Excuses to cover up lies.
But nevertheless still a satisfactory explanation.

Then I asked, 'Did you tell her you like her?'
"Yes'
'Did you tell her you miss her?'
'Yes'
"Did you tell her you love her?'
'Yes'
Seriously... no more I should ask. He said he thinks I'm the catalyst of why he starts liking her again after the 20th.

After I didn't want to talk to him he said.
Hah. You know what's the reason we broke up? Because he's not ready to meet. Not fcking ready to meet. How long do I have to wait? Another 2 years? Then I said you're not ready to be with me, it's like you're not even ready for a commitment!
And then he says, fine maybe I shouldn't be with you then.

Seriously, this is all crap and bullshit. Relationships are not meant to be like that.
If that's how it is, so easily fragile and broken, then it's a really shallow relationship isn't it? An immature one.

Being with him was hard because it was like constantly being overshadowed by his ex.
And he didn't help in matters much also. Before this it was hard, I had a reason to be in insecurity all the time.

When I tried not to, things would always happen.

In the end, the ashes of my tears, are really of my own foolishness. Love is a game that's never fair.
I'm just foolish enough to believe he truly loved me.
'It's not you that pains me, it's yours lies.'
He said, 'Everybody says that.'

That's when I knew, I'm just one of the other girls. Just one of them. Played. Dealt. Move-aside-I'm-Done-With-You.

And now I'm crying. My heart hurts. Heh who doesn't.
Life's like that. I'm just sorry it lasted so long. But I am a persistent person. I suppose after this I can finally leave without regrets. Perhaps it is just something that I should learn. I mean during the long time span.

Nothing is bad about Mark. He's nice. It's just quite ethereal because we didn't meet like normal people. And there's also his past with his ex. Always there. He always does love her and it was hard. And also the issue of lies to cover it up. I'm sick and tired of the lies. I think this is for the better. It definitely is. I think.

'The 2nd shall replace the 1st.'
That's what God told me. Through YT. I think it's time to really believe in God and say no should any chance arise for some sort of reconciliation.

He's nice. Just his excess baggages. Everyone has it yet really, it's exhausting to tarry on with those baggages for 2 years plus. Really... isn't it time he or she moved on already?
So, to me, it's just not gonna work if it's gonna be like this, "online', and having this constant figure undermining me. Zilch. Nada. Not gonna work.

I feel sad. It could have been something very meaningful. And it was something that took so much of my heart... and I've no idea what hopes or dreams I had put into it, but... I just feel sad that it turned out like this.

One sentence. 'I should have known.'

I should have known he's gonna be a weirdo. I mean not meeting? Immature. How many real guys out there actually have this problem? Sucks. Totally sucks.
I should have known I'm in a relationship with his ex as well.
I should have known he's prone to cheating on me too. With his ex. It was really painful to read all he wrote to her for the entire period of which we were together. I might not want to admit it, but he was still in love with her all along.

I think that's about it. Other than that, he's Mr Perfect.
Oh and his ego. He's somewhat the dominant type.

I didn't regret his faults. Perhaps it's good lesson for me that I may know how to handle hardships in relationships in the future. Once bitten twice shy mar :)
One thing I know, I think I'm a pretty good gf. I mean I'm loving. Nice and warm :(
Funny. I'm always funny. I... think.

The things that I'm not are, gentle. Submissive. Emo (?? am I emo? ; eh it's one thing being emotional when you have the cause to be emotional but it's totally another thing if you're emotional with no cause at all).

Ah... I was feeling very crummy at first. I mean I was crying and heart was pain pain and all. But hey, after blogging it seems to be A Okay again =) I mean blogging really is a sort of therapy. Or is it? I mean it's just nice venting out.

Bee and Hermit.

Today I went out. To Sungai Wang. I now have to keep reminding myself that I shall not to go out again.

It took me 2 hours to get there. 2 hours to get back. Going isn't so bad. I could sit. But coming back? Wow.
My feet are achingly exhausted. My nerves in my feet are jumping and threathening to twist themselves any minute now.

Met a friend's brother. He is 10 years old, and he is such a cute little boy. Erm. Nothing much about my friend. He's 16 and it was okay. We didn't talk much. Was kinda weird. We mapled at the cybercafe. And, that's about it.

Rushed to my bath straight out and now I'm here. Clean and cosy like a cat.

There was so much travelling. o.o
First there was the bus, then there was the train, then there was the monorail. Then the same thing all over again.

One thing I learnt about today was that, erm. Normally when you see those 'pilak' people, you'd feel like you'd wanna move to one side? To avoid body contact. Shunt. Shunt. *shudder*

But today I saw one got up from his seat and gave his seat to the lady in the bus. He didn't look very educated but there was a pang inside. I didn't look at him the way I look at others anymore. The 'eyeing' look. I always eye suspicious people. It's to say, 'Hey you, I'm watchful about you. Don't you dare do anything hanky panky.'

Well. That's about it today.
And my legs feel so smooth. I used this Hair Removal Mousse by Veet. Hmm, very nice. Feels like silk. And I'm so thirsty today. I don't know why.

Things that have been bothering me.

I read something the other day. And it brought me down for a bit tho knowing that words on it were untrue. I feel a bit sad inside for she does not know what I truly feel, what I truly am. Words I couldn't say to defend myself. What is the point really.

Pride and Prejudice. If only I had more of this things would be easier for me. It would be so easy to see others in a lowly manner and just get along with life in your happy little way. Jealousy. Have I been jealous this time around? I don't think so. Maybe hurt yes. But not jealous. Sometimes you just don't have the capacity to be jealous anymore. When you learn to give up.


My last post was a last message. If one were to read properly, it's the words of a girl who says, 'You win.'
I don't understand why she has to bloody gloat. One wouldn't have to be suspicious if not given a reason to.

The one thing that really irks me for how untrue it is, is 'no confidence, no trust, no faith in herself.'
God.

This is one thing out of all the things that I have to stand up for. I have my confidence thank you very much. I trust myself too thank you very much. Faith. Hmm, faith that I could make it work were I with another. Yesh. That too. All of that I do have in myself. What I don't have is the confidence that things will work out. Will you if one that you've been with for so long loves his ex more than you? You wouldn't be so high and mighty as to say such things like that.

I am not here to dispute any longer. Tempting tho. To post this in my old public blog. But no. Memories of disputes are left to be gone. I like this blog. It's like a new beginning. Alas, little does she know I didn't take it into my own conclusion and make a fuss. One thing I can never stand to be is a conveyer belt girlfriend.

I'm so sorry but I cannot replace someone else.


----

Speaking of something else. I have been mapling a lot. And I had this maple bf. For like 2 weeks. It was bad. He wanted it to be real life too. I couldn't. He's a nice guy. Really nice. But he has low self esteem. He doesn't understand that I can't because it's me, not him. He's not exactly that young, and so he thinks that's the factor and yadda yadda.

But yesterday I made it a point to him. That it's only in maple. He couldn't take it. I regret somewhat for not staying as friends because he's a really nice friend.


'i so want to hurt you badly.. but i also want you badly too.. goddamn you.'


This is real bad. I mean. Sudahlah I have enough crap going on, I suddenly have someone hating me. He kept saying why I wouldn't give him a chance or what. But that's not the point. I mean the point is, is that I just don't have the capacity to anymore. I mean not anymore. But just not now. And certainly not internet ones. I mean there is nothing oh so great about me. I'm just an average girl. I'm really sorry really.


------

Everytime I look at my ex's picture, I'm always reminded by the fact. The sentence that kept repeating in my head. 'I really love you Joyce. I like my ex, but I love you.' That's the killer. Everytime I look at it, I'm reminded by this fact.

But apart from all that, I know that deep down inside God has prepared someone just for me.

Confirmation.

Since I've been working at a lab, I met this guy. His name is erm, TH.

TH is slightly plump. Rounded, a boyish kind of guy. Cute perhaps.
I could feel like there were special sentiments exuding from him but I've always tried to shrug it away.

Then, my cold shoulder treatments doesn't seem to hit him. I mean it doesn't deter him from asking me questions anyway.

Innocent little questions.
At first I was warm and friendly but I have no idea why I started inching away. I mean. I didn't want that kind of attention. I mean, I've always tried to deny that he would prolly have any feelings for me.
I guess I didn't want to erm, make things erm bad for him.

But I would always get irritated when he talked to me. Bad. But I got irritated.

Cos I just wanted him to stop.
So anyways.

Today my colleague talked about him again. Then I told him, 'I don't think TH likes me.'
Then he said, 'Hahaha he does! He really does. I'm serious. He has a bit of feeling for you.'

Well. OOookay. I can't deny it no more. My intuition has been blaring loudly since... since ever.
So I thought about it. And I said, 'But I don't have any feelings for him.'

Hoping that above said words would reach him somehow.
So please. Above-words, please reach TH.

I guess sometimes things like these freak me. I mean it's a different thing if I knew you very well and then I realised from a third party or something that you have some kind of feelings towards me. But nooooo I barely even know you. I mean I don't even talk to you. That's the thing you know.

I guess, (based on analysing my past erm, freakedoutness) that's prolly why. I mean cause the guys that I'm freaked out at, doesn't even know me. I mean I don't even talk to them much. Yeah. I guess that's why. Else I'd find it easy to erm, put them down gently or somewhat.

Hmm. Meow. That's it for today.

Hmm, today I didn't sleep.

Jai Harpalani. This is the name of the Indian guy I think that said, 'Do well,' to me.

I mean. Of all things. 'Do well.'

=.=
I don't know why I remember another encounter with him. It was when I nearly knocked into him with an umbrella. And he said another weird comment. He said, "Take care.' Not like Oh be careful. But like, take care of yourself. HUH?!

Well, maybe I know why. Maybe he looks quite okay. But whatever I don't think I'm liking him. I think he's my height. HAHA.

Recently in Maple, I met a guy called Quill. He's Javanese and he seems kinda nice. He's been in the same shit like I did. Only his was prolly worse as she sort of use him. I could somehow relate to him. I feel that I care for this persona of his and well... ahem.
And recently my ex called. I'm in a dilemma of whether should I get on with my life or give us another chance.

He said some things to his ex that totally isn't fair to me. That really hurts me and I think I don't deserve shits like that. I really don't. I mean, I just wish to not be hurt. That's all.

Two days ago I went to the open cinema with a friendand it was fun. We watched The Devil Wears Prada and Littleman. Haha. I love TDWP. I've watched it 3 times already. Thank God he found this piece of wood or we'd be wetting our butts. He has extra tickets.

The only bad thing is that our butts were sore a while later.

I've never been out with a guy like that before. I mean it was perfectly friendly and he was perfectly amiable. A gentleman AND a friend. I mean, cause guys that I went out with as friends made me feel somewhat disgusted. Oh wait. I do have another friend. But with him it was like brotherly sort of thing. Also awkward at the same time because he wasn't really very er... well, we had stuff to talk about but didn't really really click. Hmm.


Moo.

Oh. And when I wanted to get that HarryPotter book just now the girl told me that it's sold out. I mean before that I booked a book that day! And it was the last one and the other day when I went to get it the girl told me her boss asked her to sell it to another customer though I already booked it! Sooo okay... I'm okie but until today when I'm supposed to get it. UGH. Then she calls me and tells me it's out. But I'm okie with that if only she didn't say her boss told her it's like... out. Like her boss isn't going to get more.

Oh. I got so agitated that I told her that they promised me. And that she had better ask her boss. In a im-very-annoyed-sort-of-way.

Ugh. So that's my day.

Name Found!

I finally found out what's the mysterious guy with the accent's name!

The one I was in the lift with! Hehe! Weirdly he always wears the same clothes. They don't seem overworn... Black top. Cargo pants.

His name is Francis Siah.

AHAHA Boon Hock. Mmm Oops this is supposed to be annonymous.

Haha. His id is 10590 weu weu. He came to take his paper.

Darn. I forgot to check what course he is in. UGH.

*bangs head to wall*

Bird.

Is saying goodbye one of the hardest thing to do?

Or is making the decision to let someone go harder?
And pushing them towards it...


Does letting someone go actually means loving one?

We are selfish.
It is a well known fact.
Not everyone can be so generous as to put others wishes before ours.
It is always what we want.
Particularly when that person is quite close to us.

But will you let something go if it cannot be retrieved again?
If it's for the sake of the bird? So that it may soar up high in the sky?
In the heavens while carrying your hopes and wants?

I have been selfish all these while.

I decide to be selfish no longer.

Baby Gerbils!

On the 23rd of June, two things have happened that are of equal importance.

Oh alright. Not equally. The bad outweighs the good.
Good thing is, my gerbils has produced babies! 6 pups!~ weuweuweu! <3
It was such a shock for me because I didn't even know they had started to mate.
But one of the babies it seems has a deformed right leg. =( Maybe it's because the parents
are Brothers and Sisters. Hmmm.
I mean deformed as in, I just see a stump. Instead of proper, toes.

The bad thing is, I shall not be able to go online for 2 weeks.
My roommate has decided to cut the line,
for she is moving out on the 26th.
BUT WTHECK! Does she have to cut it 4 DAYS EARLIER?!
WHAT THE FRIGGIN HELL

ESPECIALLY WHEN it's 2x EXP in Maple too! Like wth?!

But. It's good for me somewhat. I have to study.
Exams are coming up.
Things just aren't the same anymore. Unlike the olden days.
Where failing = No prob.

Now Failing = Big prob.
Exams fee for a paper is 400. Failing = -400

That's bad. The stress ... I'm not saying that I feel any particular stress.
But I do feel a pressure. Like a 'thou must not fail' pressure.

I found a book about Pride and Prejudice. I mean, after that. And it's exciting! Found out there was like 3 other books written after Jane Austen's book. Hehe! I shall be visiting MPH regularly.

So yea. No more onlining for me. Sad case.
And oh yea, yesterday I called Venetia. And she says that she was involved in a minor accident.
I hope she'll be okay. I told her to go for a check up but she assured me it was a minor thing.
And Stef, if you're reading this. You know then. Haha I'm supposed to tell you that she was involved in a minor accident, but I couldn't go online anymore, and I ran out of credit. Aheh.

So, I suppose I will be updating on a regular basis soon. Bye.

There is nothing worse than being stranded. In a place that isn't your home, with no family around you to bail you out without you being embarrassed about bothering them.

I arrived later than usual at the KTM station and... it was dark. And eerie.

No buses. No taxis.

Few roguish looking Indian guys. The menacing looking ones.

It wasn't exactly empty yet not that safe I suppose.

I tried to hail this Transnasional bus but it just zoomed past me. =(

I called the only person I could think of.

And thankfully YT was kind enough to pick me up.

*beams*

but sorry about that bumper banging.

Well. The moral of the story is that I should learn how to drive.

Of course not that I would have a car to drive here.

But at least it would enable me to

Carjack someone else.

Complaint!

BLOODY HELL! I wanted to post pictures today BUT BLOGGER HAS SOME ERROR ON IT!

I BET IT'S GOOGLE'S FAULT FOR BUYING IT OVER.

GAH.

WHEN I CAN FINALLY POST PHOTOS I'LL DELETE THIS POST.

Tagged by Hannah

Tagged by Hannah

Layer One : On The Outside
Name - Casandra @ Cassy
Birth date - 9th January 1988
Current Status - Single
Eye Colour - dark brown-black
Hair Colour - dark brown-black
Righty or Lefty - Righty.

Layer Two : On The Inside
Your Heritage - Chinese
Your Fears - Death. Failure.
Your Weakness - Jealousy. Tactless.
Your Perfect Pizza - Pepperoni with Lots of CHEESE.

Layer Three : Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow
Your Thoughts First Waking Up - Ugh. 5 more minutes. DAMN I'M LATE!
Your Bedtime - When I'm tired.
Your Most Missed Memory - Random ones. The ones when you think about it, you'd remember.

Layer Four : Your Picks
Pepsi or Coke - Neither. They contain caffeine. Not that I don't drink Milk Tea but. Ah.
McDonald's or Burger King - Burger King's Mushroom Swiss. Aaah...
Single or Group Dates - Single
Adidas or Nike - I own neither. But I'd say Nike.
Tea or Nestea - Ximut Milk Tea.
Chocolate or Vanilla - Vanilla.
Cappucino or coffee - Neither.

Layer Five : Do You...
Smoke - No.
Curse - Yes.
Take a shower - Yes.
Have a crush - Lol. Nah. Though I'll just wait and see.
Think you've been in love - Yes.
Go to school - College.
Want to get marry - Yes.
Believe in yourself - Yes.
Think you're a health freak - Erm. What? I don't stick to salads.

Layer Six - In The Past Month
Drank alcohol - No. T.T I want a cocktail.
Eaten sushi - Yes.
Dyed your hair - Once.

Layer Seven : Have You Even...
Played A Stripping Game - No.
Changed Who You Were To Fit In - No.

Layer Eight : Age You're Hoping
To Be Married - Never thought about it. I wouldn't want to be too old.
For a - I have no idea.

Layer Nine : In a Girl / Guy
Best Eye Colour - Any.
Best Hair Colour - Any.
Short hair or Long Hair - Definitely short. Long haired guys are gay.

Layer Ten : What Were You Doing
1 min ago - Homework. For once.
1 Hour ago - Homework. For once.
1 month ago - Mapling.

Layer Eleven : Finish the sentence
I love - you once upon a time. Such a sad one.
I hate - contradicting truths. Lies. Deceit. Uncertainty. Most of all, Insecurity.
I hide - my smile.
I miss - my family. My friends back in KK.
I need - God. Family. Friends. Him.

Layer Twelve : Tag Five People
Do I have to?
Venetia.
Danielle.
Steffie.
Seriously no more. o.O

I've been Tagged.

Rules: For those who have been tagged, you are required to write a story about one of your crush, be it a current or previous crush. To be exactly different from the common tags, there is no questions imposed this time. All you have to do is to write a story about him/her. Also, five persons will need to be tagged at the end of the post. This tag is originated from Ms Lee (http://tsa3yun.blogspot.com). You must post up these rules before you start writing.

So I've been tagged. And I wanted to write about a past crush, a guy with a name Starting with E.
one that I got over. Now that's a sad crush indeed.
But then, today I saw someone that I didn't know that... well has a little liking to it. HAHAS ;)

I wanted to blog about this particular guy today that I met but suddenly thought that hey! This can be considered a shallow crush right? Cause it's just like Day Number 1 today Teehee.


-----

'Me lecturer wants me to get another projector'

*he points to another projector*
'This one working?'
*Starts to pull it away*
asking yet another time.
'This one working aight? I'll take it.'

Sounds innocent enough don't you think? Yet it took me ten seconds to decipher what he said for his voice is accented.
In a nice deep sort of way. Not gruffy, not squeaky either. In that ten seconds all I did was look blankly at him while thinking about:-

1. My he has a nice voice.
2. My he has very nice English accent too.
3. My I've seen him before but never took notice of him.
4. Say something!
5. Boy he's tall.
6. Can he really take the projector away like that? (I'd have said so if I knew)

So in the end, all I said was:

'Yeah.'

I feel dumb. For not giving a proper answer but like, stuck. I got confused there for a while, cause I guess I'm wondering how I never took real notice of him before BAHAHA! Seems like I'm a sucker for people who speak good English.

Did I say he was tall? Taller than me no doubt.

*notes to self*
- Smile even more widely when you see him again.
- Talk nicely.

=D

I guess it can be considered the first stage of a shallow crush right? Since I *am* curious about what course he's taking. =P
I don't go minding other's business you know.


And I hereby tag:-

Venetia
Danielle
Steffie.

1.15pm. Tuesday.

At precisely 1.15pm, Casandra fell down.

On her butt.

WIth two people as her witnesses. If she could blush she would.
Really.
She would.

It was painful.
And embarrassing.
And I suddenly realised
I can't remember the last time I felt embarrassed.

That's a good thing right?

It was just a fraction of a second and I realised that I'm going to fall down.
I mean, for just that one fraction of a second, I knew it was coming.
I knew. That's why it was... odd to me. Until I'm blogging about it.

I've tired Vblogging and well, it didn't work for me.
I'm still as conscious as ever and well, I guess I should write what I'm about to say first
Then read them out loud. That would be good. I suppose.

Today's Accounting class is about Break Even Units and Break Even Sales. Kinda like puzzles. Nice.
Like Maths.
I like Maths.

Dinner, Accident

Yesterday my sister, Serena and her husband, Barnabas and child, Eleazar, my brother, Ian, and wife, Ruth, came down to have dinner with me.

And to be frank, I'm glad.

Looking at them, I realised that it's just so nice to eat with family. Plus I didn't have to worry about how much the dinner would cost me. =)

Then they came to the apartment (Thankfully I cleaned up a bit), and it was about 11 when they left.

I slept. Till 5 something. Then slept till 7. Then played Maple till it was time for class.

Sigh What Bliss. I've got enough sleep.

Today as I was walking back from College, an car and a motorbike collided. Like really near me. Like 2 seconds of running (distance). I heard the crunch. It was... scary. Because it was all so near.

I heard Horn. Crunch. But luckily it wasn't very serious. I was glancing to the right to check for incoming cars when I heard Crunch. Looked to the left and saw the motorcyclist on the pavement. He got up groggily tho. Adjusted his motorbike. Mmm, the car's not in a really good shape tho. Nothing serious. Eyes goggled tho. On my part.

And oh yea. This was what My sister said in the car.

Aiyak, ngo hou chi oi ta pei.
Opps, I think I am going to fart.

o.O

Library Fine. Damnit

Typing at the computer lab. I'm working again as lab assistant.

Job Description

Lab Assistant.
Duty : To pass people their papers according to their id numbers.

That's it.

And the occasional top up thing and changing of password. That I still have to get a hang on. And also complaints about crappy, malfunctioning computers. Yep. Bright and shiny day at work.

Today's class was good. I knew how to do ze homework. Heck, I'm even looking forward to doing that one-question homework! So you should know how much I like today's class. ^^;

And I returned the Accounting Reference Book to the Library today and guess what.

They charged me 9 bucks for it!

NINE BLOODY BUCKS!
$%%^@#$%#^@%#$^@#$@#$^@#$%@#$^#$%@#$%#$%

One day = Rm1

Like wtfh roar!

BUT

I borrowed 3 books today. I shall just think of 3 bucks of rent per book. Then I wouldn't hit myself *that* hard.
OH WEEE

I have LOTS of anime to watch! My friend (Or shall I say acquaintance) just passed me 70 GB of ANIMES!


Suddenly my world so VERY ROCKS.

Chan Wei Qiang for Today's event.

So. Today I nearly woke up late again. Thank God I asked my friend to wake me up.
So I had lunch just now. Then I tapau-ed Lekor.
I waited for 5 mins. Under the hot sun.
Then looking at the lekor practically swimming in oil... Really swimming.

Nearly lost my appetite tho.

So.

The other day this guy approached me. It wasn't bad. I felt slightly flattered. Though he was friendly, I don't suppose this guy would have a lot of courage to go up and talk to a girl stranger but... yeah I wasn't mean to him. His confidence would have been utterly shattered had I had my hair day. His name is Wei Qiang. Chan I think. Slightly pimpled. Slightly. English speaking tho a stressed hint of the Chinese slang purring erm, the English accent.

Come to think of it, I think I forgot his face already.

Yay~ A new acquaintance~

I missed my 1st Exam.

AGH! I missed my first exam!


.........

I slept at 6.30am yesterday.
I was studying.
Was supposed to wake up at 8.30am.
Thought 2 hours would be enough. How wrong I was.

Woke up to phone buzzing.
Twas my friend, Khengmai.

Khengmai: Where were you?
Me: omg omfg what time is it now?!
Khengmai: We finished our exams.
Me: *stunned*
Khengmai: Hello?
Me: I'll call you back later [weakly]







%&@%Q#$% HOW CAN I DAMN MISS MY EXAM?! WHAT?! HAS MY MOTHER PAID 350 BUCKS FOR ME TO MISS IT?!

hahas. Luckily I can still resit for it. =D

At 2pm. So now it's 1. Yep. Waiting. Oh yea. Lunchtime.

Ugh. What a traumatic start for the day.


-----



Finished exam.

And YAY! I got 66%!~ I was sooooo scared I'd fail. =.=

Sigh. One more day to go. And mind you Paper 2 is going to be extra hard. So I decided not to sleep tonight. NO SLEEPING like today. zzzz 2 hours was the death of me.



-----



I am NOT going to let anything get to me... grrr I am not going to let myself be maddened by something anymore. NOPE.


'Go on, shout at me, I can't hear you.'


Tonight I went with my housemate for dinner. Mmm, tomorrow is my roommate's birthday. Mmm, darn, I didn't wrap the present. I bought earrings for her. Hoop ones. =) So I think I'll give her the gift at midnight. Stocked up on maggi and tissue paper just now at Watson.

End.

I remember...

I remember a long time ago. Okay. Not that long but perhaps a year ago. Or two.

Soong and I were having this really down day because of guys and we decided to have an activity.

So she came to my house, we planned to watch DVDS and bum around. But in the end,

we ate raspberry vanilla ice cream, one whole carton of it and we didn't finish it because it was kinda melted. Yuck.

The one I wanted wasn't available, I think my favourite flavour would be 'Lava' by Walls I think.

Then there was my niece and nephew, who entered the room many many times and didn't shut the door all the time (Irritating). And did I shout at them? I think I did. Oh Soong just reminded me that I took the cane. Of course to threathen la. Nothing much.

Then there was Back Dormitory Boys, the one I intro to Soong. Yeh. We had a nice laugh and time.

Then we watch a dvd. Half way she gotta go. Of course we chose a very pro girl dvd.

'How to lose a guy in 10 days' *wink*

Soong reminded me of this today. And I was like 'Oh yea, I remember that day.'

Now I'm more confused than ever.

Anew

Without realising it, I've stopped posting for about a month now. I just didn't write anything.

Since my last rather emotional one, that last post really did take all of me. Stretched myself to take all that I have within me, but not quite, compiling everything into one. Well, since that I can't write.

Thinking about my life, last year was crazy. My last month was hell. But I'm struggling hard to cope with my life. Sometimes I just feel like breaking down and cry and in fact I did. But only sometimes.

One word.

'Why?'

This is where I begin my life Anew. I shall be unsusceptible to hurt and well, let's just say without overreacting that my life is indeed in shambles and pieces. So if you know me just recently, I find it hard to communicate. I started going out about 2 weeks ago. I went to Cell. It did me good. I think that I need to go back closer to God. For when shit happens, I tend to stray further away. Because of the hurt. And circumstances.

Part of me wants to just stay cooped up at home because that's just exactly what I want to do. Part of me feels like... what... being a recluse for at least a month of two?

Please do not ask me what happened. It's so hard for me to relate to it when I am trying my best to forget it. But don't worry it's not as serious as me being raped or something like that, or molested. Nope. Nothing like that.

I am okay. Not.

Phew. What a post for a first one.