This morning before I went to work my mom said she wanted to use the car.

The deal was that I send her anywhere she wants to go but to not let her use the car because of the woman. It just turned ugly. When I went into her room, she was crying, out of anger of sadness I do not know but it was more out of anger. She was saying how can we treat her like this especially after what she has did for us.

She fails to see that it is what she has chosen for herself. We gave her an easy way out but she wouldn't take it. Instead she's eating only bread and blaming me. I keep asking her to go out and eat with me and she refuse to and then she's blaming me for her stubbornness? It really makes me very frustrated about the whole situation.

When I was driving, tears just came down. Why must my mom have things this way? Why?

I'm going crazy

I wish she was never in our lives.

Last Saturday, all siblings came back from KL to evict the woman out of our house.
Mom protected her. This woman, Adeline Chin is 55 this year, and is crazy. We suspect she has Schizophrenia. She claims to hear the voice of God.

5 years ago, she was involved in a struggle with me and I regretted that I did not report the police. She pulled my hair and tried to do a deliverance on me. My mother did not help me, she even took the ruler to hit me. Mom later claimed that I was struggling with her, and that I pushed and made my mom nearly fall and hurt my own mother. But since she was evicted out of my brother's office, we let the issue go.

However, 5 years later, she is here at my house, for 2 months. Feeding my mom a bullshit story about going to Switzerland. After doing some investigation, she is certified a bankrupt. How can a bankrupt go to Switzerland I ask you? And also she's an illegal immigrant. She came from West Malaysia on her husband's work permit and her husband has already left for KL many years ago.

I don't understand, how can a woman be dangerous and we can do nothing to get her out of our lives? Get some justice done? That incident 5 years ago left me with slight emotional trauma, I detest seeing her face.

We lodged a police report and still she wouldn't leave, in fact had my mom take off the grill of the window for her to climb in! ( The door is a no no for it is on my brother's side of the apartment) This is preposterous and I don't know what I can do about this. She's harassing my life, I do not even dare to eat or drink in my own home!

I don't need much to be happy ok. I just want my mom back the way she was. She has changed so much. So much. Things that we have to do is eating me inside. Having her give away her furniture ( We're going to seal up the wall, if she refuses to kick the woman out, and that was the last thing she wanted but she said Go ahead! God help us.) Truth is, we don't want to seal up the wall. She's our mother. I want my mom. I want my mom back.

Having to see her at 65, being tired from packing and... she's just old okay. But we don't know what to do anymore. I don't know what to do anymore.I know I may speak to her rudely or roughly, but I love her very much.

Now my mom is in debt, still the woman won't let her go. How much longer is the woman going to cheat my mother? The woman is a schizo, a bankrupt and has no permit to stay in Sabah! Where is the justice in keeping society safe? How can I feel safe anymore when a threat is right here in my home and I cannot do anything about it?

Never own stuff like Mom.

It's been more than a year since I've wrote anything.

Cut things short, I had internal drama for nearly a year. About September or October we were together. Then he nearly kissed some girl and I got really pissed and starting spewing poison and lead at him, and he couldn't take it over the phone, and said we wouldn't work out. And thus, I drew a sharp intake of breathe, and just took it in. At that time, I thought if he could just walk away so easily, I would too.

Reading back on what I wrote, being involved with A makes me think that I'm not loving myself the way I should. Because I allow myself to be vulnerable, so vulnerable. Is that love? I'm so tired of being hurt again.

I nearly did get over him until he asks if we can start over again. At that point of time, I was ready to give up the acquaintance to just stop the pain. If it's going to take a year to get over him, I won't be talking to him for a year, that's what I thought.

I decided to give us another chance, and so far we're doing good. In fact I need him. Especially since I'm facing stupid family crap issues. My mom has bad management in certain matters.

All I wanted to tell myself is this: Do not own mountains of things till you can't see your own floor, and especially don't leave dust to accumulate till it is visible. Take mom as a lesson!