The Closed Chapter.

Today is the 28th.

I stopped contacting Mark on the 20th.
He said he didn't contact joyce at all but he did.
He emailed her and bla bla bla...

Lies. And then he told me he didn't.

I called him just now to confront him and it was true. He admitted that he just sent a message to congratulate her.
Hello? It's still contacting. Lies. Lies. Excuses to cover up lies.
But nevertheless still a satisfactory explanation.

Then I asked, 'Did you tell her you like her?'
"Yes'
'Did you tell her you miss her?'
'Yes'
"Did you tell her you love her?'
'Yes'
Seriously... no more I should ask. He said he thinks I'm the catalyst of why he starts liking her again after the 20th.

After I didn't want to talk to him he said.
Hah. You know what's the reason we broke up? Because he's not ready to meet. Not fcking ready to meet. How long do I have to wait? Another 2 years? Then I said you're not ready to be with me, it's like you're not even ready for a commitment!
And then he says, fine maybe I shouldn't be with you then.

Seriously, this is all crap and bullshit. Relationships are not meant to be like that.
If that's how it is, so easily fragile and broken, then it's a really shallow relationship isn't it? An immature one.

Being with him was hard because it was like constantly being overshadowed by his ex.
And he didn't help in matters much also. Before this it was hard, I had a reason to be in insecurity all the time.

When I tried not to, things would always happen.

In the end, the ashes of my tears, are really of my own foolishness. Love is a game that's never fair.
I'm just foolish enough to believe he truly loved me.
'It's not you that pains me, it's yours lies.'
He said, 'Everybody says that.'

That's when I knew, I'm just one of the other girls. Just one of them. Played. Dealt. Move-aside-I'm-Done-With-You.

And now I'm crying. My heart hurts. Heh who doesn't.
Life's like that. I'm just sorry it lasted so long. But I am a persistent person. I suppose after this I can finally leave without regrets. Perhaps it is just something that I should learn. I mean during the long time span.

Nothing is bad about Mark. He's nice. It's just quite ethereal because we didn't meet like normal people. And there's also his past with his ex. Always there. He always does love her and it was hard. And also the issue of lies to cover it up. I'm sick and tired of the lies. I think this is for the better. It definitely is. I think.

'The 2nd shall replace the 1st.'
That's what God told me. Through YT. I think it's time to really believe in God and say no should any chance arise for some sort of reconciliation.

He's nice. Just his excess baggages. Everyone has it yet really, it's exhausting to tarry on with those baggages for 2 years plus. Really... isn't it time he or she moved on already?
So, to me, it's just not gonna work if it's gonna be like this, "online', and having this constant figure undermining me. Zilch. Nada. Not gonna work.

I feel sad. It could have been something very meaningful. And it was something that took so much of my heart... and I've no idea what hopes or dreams I had put into it, but... I just feel sad that it turned out like this.

One sentence. 'I should have known.'

I should have known he's gonna be a weirdo. I mean not meeting? Immature. How many real guys out there actually have this problem? Sucks. Totally sucks.
I should have known I'm in a relationship with his ex as well.
I should have known he's prone to cheating on me too. With his ex. It was really painful to read all he wrote to her for the entire period of which we were together. I might not want to admit it, but he was still in love with her all along.

I think that's about it. Other than that, he's Mr Perfect.
Oh and his ego. He's somewhat the dominant type.

I didn't regret his faults. Perhaps it's good lesson for me that I may know how to handle hardships in relationships in the future. Once bitten twice shy mar :)
One thing I know, I think I'm a pretty good gf. I mean I'm loving. Nice and warm :(
Funny. I'm always funny. I... think.

The things that I'm not are, gentle. Submissive. Emo (?? am I emo? ; eh it's one thing being emotional when you have the cause to be emotional but it's totally another thing if you're emotional with no cause at all).

Ah... I was feeling very crummy at first. I mean I was crying and heart was pain pain and all. But hey, after blogging it seems to be A Okay again =) I mean blogging really is a sort of therapy. Or is it? I mean it's just nice venting out.