It was nearly two months since I posted something. Shall I tell you about what happened to me for these 2 months or rather my feelings now?

I think, now.

I found out exam was next week. Bit of a shock for me because I thought I'd have more time to study. So here I am trying to calm myself through writing. I've refrained from writing for so long because there's just something vulnerable about writing how you felt. And I'd like to keep to myself for a bit.

But really, I was shocked I could numbly look at my books and papers in class. Class starts at 10 but I'm here early. Actually class starts at 10 but I thought it was 9.

So... calm my nerves...

Okay. That's it. No more games for me, all there is now for me and next week is benkyo benkyo benkyo.

Then I have to print some, attendance docket. Not entirely sure what was that.
Then my schedule was actually in the magazine which isn't delivered to me but to my brother instead. So, really, I'm clueless about what I'm supposed to do. What I'm supposed to have.

Relax. Don't panic.

No more games. I am constantly reminded by what he said (teacher). He said cannot last minute cram such things. I cannot help feeling ... I cannot help not having a deep interest... it was partially because really I'm clueless about whatever it is they teach. They teach well, it's just my fault. I feel @@ and huh..???

I was feeling really down becauuse of an email from an acquaintance. He is gay. I told him what I thought according to my beliefs, that it was wrong but yet to me he would still be my friend. I think he wanted me to say he was right. But I'm sorry. He said unkind things and truly I felt hurt because I really did want to help him. I wasn't judging him. I was just being honest. I am sorry that we could not be friends and that our diversity has created a rift between us.

About my past one, I think I've learnt to let go. I cried the other day after such a long time. And the thing is it came just suddenly. Like a wave hitting the beach without a sound. I think it means that my wall of numbness has gone away. I mean I was laughing and such before that. But now perhaps I am strong enough to face my own conflicts.

I think it is time to control and manage my time. Time management. I ran away from reality for quite some time now. Seeking comforts at the wrong place. I mean it's not wrong. I do feel conforted but I know that I cannot hide any longer. My reprieve is over. Time to get my life back on track.

I think I'll be working with Steph soon. Might be teaching primary school students with creative writing. Not quite sure if I could do it, but I'll try =)

Okay. Toodles. Time for class.

I'm still quite shaken by the fact that exam is so near and I'm such a screw up and failure for not even preparing for it. I knew it. I seen it coming. I am quite contradictory.

Though I beat myself up inside constantly bout not studying and stuff, yet... I do nothing about it. It is something that I have brought upon myself and I shall not lament upon it. All that is left to do is to be quiet and dilligently toil myself through studies 24/7. Well alright, 18/7.

Goodbye blog. Intensive studies starts from today.