What I Want

I don’t think he’s what I want.

I want someone who will love me more than he loves himself. That helpless love. Where he can’t help it. I want someone who will try hard to please me, to make me smile, make me happy. I want someone who needs me. He tells me because of Chi he can only now only love with 50% of his heart. The rest is hardened. That’s understandable.

But it’s sad isn’t it? The love that I want, he cannot give.

That is another reason why I must stop now, why I should stop having feelings for him, because, somewhere down the road, it wouldn’t be understandable to me anymore. I would want more, and would try my best to get it but, as we all know, no matter how much you try, sometimes you just don’t get it. Like my first bf. If I knew my first bf didn’t really love me the way I thought he did, I probably wouldn’t put in so much of myself into that relationship.

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They didn’t get the butter, now I cannot make 4 batches of cookies